(TIRES SCREECHING)
MICHAEL: What the...
Oh. I'm late. I'm late. I'm late.
I'm late. I'm late. I'm late. I'm late. I'm late. I'm late.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, everybody, my apologies.
(SIGHING) Okay.
That is a surprise. Michael's almost never late.
And he hasn't worked here in four weeks.
Hey, what are you doing?
Overslept.
Do you think anybody noticed I was late?
I think they're just surprised you're here at all.
(CHUCKLES)
That's him.
CHARLES: Michael...
Gentlemen.
Was I supposed to stop him? He seemed so confident.
No, you did good.
Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
(SIGHS)
Where's Ryan?
He's late.
Damn it!
ANDY: Damn it!
Where is my "Andy" mug?
What's wrong?
Two things. Can't find my "Andy" mug,
and I lost another client to the Michael Scott Paper Company.
Tell me about it, I lost two this week.
I'm sorry, I thought it was a cute mug.
You're making a funny expression.
Oh.
(IN ENGLISH ACCENT) Then I decree that you,
Lady Erin of Reception, enjoy the "Andy" mug.
I'm really just mad about losing a client.
I hear that Michael is hand-delivering the paper himself.
And Ryan's a blonde now.
I heard they get sausage.
Sorry, this is really bothering me.
Oh.
(LAUGHS)
This isn't yours, is it? PHYLLIS: No.
Stanley.
Andrew.
Rejected?
You never had a problem with me expensing cigars before.
Yes, I did. I just didn't have the power to enforce it.
Phyllis, this client you take out to Alfredo's every Saturday night
wouldn't happen to be a refrigeration company, would it?
Michael never cared. He said it was a perk of the job.
Oh. I'm sorry, I get no joy from this.
STANLEY: Hmm.
I consider myself someone who likes to work with his hands.
I type and I file and I will use a telephone.
But I have found that
one of the things I really enjoy about making my own deliveries
is the ability to work with my feet, as well.
I get to use the accelerator and the brake of the van.
And I walk from the van.
And I walk back to the van and...
So, even though I consider myself a hands-on guy,
I guess I'm also kind of a foots-on guy.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, this is very exciting.
We are going to visit our accountant, Ty Platt,
to see if we can afford a delivery guy.
You shouldn't just throw the word "exciting" around,
it cheapens the word. It's like the word "love."
Well, I love the fact that we're thinking about getting a delivery guy.
It's very exciting, but I know what you mean.
Stanley, you were at this lunch with me.
If we're not being reimbursed, you should at least pay half.
Are you going to give me half the frequent flyer miles you got
for using your credit card?
Oh, as if you'll ever fly anywhere.
You do not know my dreams.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Guys!
Stop fighting amongst yourselves and start fighting our common enemy,
this reimbursement policy.
Angela can't do this, it's ridiculous.
Reimbursements is the whole reason I got into this business.
I've been down this road before.
(IMITATING MRS. HIRSCH) "Michael, you're going to fail."
"Oh, really, Mrs. Hirsch, I think not.
"I think you, in fact, will be fired because of your drinking,
"and then they'll pass the whole class."
So, I'm good.
I went to business school. I should have known better.
Hell, I went to elementary school.
I should have known better.
Am I just the biggest (BLEEP) idiot in the world?
Everything I touch turns to failure.
How could I possibly believe in this?
Oh! Damn it!
(RYAN GROANING)
(RYAN GROANS)
Well, I did that, so...
No pretending I didn't.
I take responsibility for this.
It's fine.
Sorry.
We're still having fun.
Where did Pam go?
These expenses are legitimate.
Which I denied.
Right.
Would you please respectfully reconsider these?
Why would I do that?
Because of our history.
Both romantic and thrice sexual.
Twice.
Resubmit with proof of business.
Names of who you were with, what you talked about,
phone numbers I can call to verify.
You get a two-hour extension based on our history.
Right-o!
Then we're even. Yeah.
Dr. Rosenberg, please.
My smile is very important to me.
As a salesman I believe that it boosts my confidence
and increases my sales accordingly.
Therefore, I believe that the Porcelax brand porcelain veneers,
as well as the invisible braces provided by Dr. Rosenberg,
are in fact a business expense,
and I would very much appreciate a letter
from Dr. Rosenberg stating that fact.
So, great.
And maybe throw in one of those root beer lollipops,
'cause I can't find those anywhere. Mmm-hmm.
Yes, we are going to try and buy out the Michael Scott Paper Company.
Uh... I do not know what to expect.
I expected Michael's branch to fail, and it didn't.
I expected his company to fail, and it didn't.
I now expect these negotiations to fail, so...
Hopefully everything will be fine.
(SIGHING)
I'm very nervous. This is a classic David and Goliath.
Only I'm David, and David is a Goliath named David.
And Pam and Ryan are both David.
And Charles is Othello.
(GROANING IMPATIENTLY)
Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up.
(SINGING) Hurry up, hurry up Hurry up, up, up
Hurry up, hurry up Hurry up, up, up
Hurry up Hurry up, up, up
Hurry up, up, up, up, up, up, up Hurry up
No, you idiot, I'm asking you to hurry up.
I'm dancing as fast as I can.
And now, with no further ra-dat-dat-ado...
My revised expense report. The deadline's past.
What? When?
When you were saying ra-dat-dat-do.
It's ra-dat-dat-ado.
I know, I've always been such a fan of it.
(SCOFFS)
Well, that unpleasantness is over.
I have to say I liked it.
Yes, you got everything you wanted.
No, I just got everything I asked for.
I know. Hey...
Did you hear about what Hammermill is doing lately?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But I just interpreted it as, you know, trying to reinvent themselves.
Hmm. I figured it was because of the tax breaks.
I thought the same thing, but you never know.
All right, thanks, Michael. I'll see you later.
Thank you. Okay, see you soon.
Hey, boss! Hey! Hey!
Um...
Any chance I can get your Hancock on this here expense report?
Sure thing. What do we have?
Wow, that looks like a fun month.
I can actually explain...
No explanation necessary.
I heartily approve.
Let them eat cake, or Courvoisier, as it were.
Right, thanks!
(CLAPS)
Pam and Ryan and I have been through a lot in the last six weeks.
We've bonded in some amazing ways and I...
When people say "love triangle,"
I don't know why they think of it as such a bad thing.
Good to have you back.
Thank you. All right, about a million different ways to apologize,
I'm not sure that was one of them.
Previously on 24,
Michael Scott leaves his loyal friends of Dunder Mifflin
to start his own paper company.
However, his sales team doesn't believe in him.
And against all odds, he goes off,
is a success and is bought out by Dunder Mifflin,
(DWIGHT HUMMING 24 THEME) to only be re-teamed
with the people who didn't believe in him.
(CONTINUES HUMMING 24 THEME)
Next week on 24, what will... What are you... Stop it. Stop it.
(HUMS)
All right, you ready, Dwight?
Ready for what?
What's this?
Just a little gift.
"On behalf of Desk Area Clump Number One,
"we welcome you to our little island.
"Love, Jim and Dwight."
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I had nothing to do with that, okay?
I miss the storage containers that used to occupy that spot.
Thank you, Dwight. And you obscure my view of the shredder.
Okay, let's get back to the ceremony. Here we go.
(EXCLAIMS)
A little island. It's us and Dwight.
That island is completely implausible.
(DWIGHT SCOFFS) I love it.
You're a train conductor.
That's my job on the island.
And I'm an Amazon woman. Yeah, it's like King Kong.
You're, like, the attraction to raise money...
Oh, my God! Will you shut up? You're making me vomit.
Oh...
Hey, did either of you guys crack a code in Dwight's memo?
Why would I even look for that?
It smelled like pee.
Phyllis said it smelled like pee.
The pee was the code.
What?
Thank you all for coming.
Now, please, everyone, take a candle.
We don't have time for candles.
They think we're all in the bathroom.
Skip the candles.
Let's cut to the chase. How annoying is this, huh?
Do you mean what's going on today or this meeting?
No, obviously what's happening at the meeting is not annoying,
only certain people in it are annoying.
Can I take one of these candles home? Ow.
Gentlemen, it's time to put our balls in the guillotine, as they say.
Who has ever said that?
Regional expression.
I'm talking about going to Michael
and telling him that we are ready to quit.
Oh, boy, I don't know.
Yeah, Dwight, what if he calls our bluff?
Then we are gone. Because if we do nothing, then we fail.
And failure is not an option.
Well, hold on now, let's think this through.
If we do nothing, at least we'll have our jobs.
And if we do nothing, we fail,
and failure is not an option.
Well, to be clear, it is an option.
Not in my book.
My book, the cover is, Failure Is Not an Option.
It is an option...
Not in my book.
What book? Literally.
Did you write it?
What are you doing in my nook?
This is not your nook. This is a public nook.
Um...
Damn it!
All right, look, everyone, that's it.
Casual Fridays are canceled.
What? Really?
(ALL CLAMORING)
CREED: You're so out of it, man.
I don't see how it...
All right, look... Okay, okay... KEVIN: Toby, come on...
Just wear whatever you want, they're back on, they're not canceled.
(CREED EXCLAIMS TRIUMPHANTLY) ERIN: All right.
Toby! Yes.
Hey, meeting over, everybody.
Good meeting, Toby.
I'm just tired.
(SARCASTICALLY) Oh, no, I love Ohio.
Next time you're there, say "hi" to my cousin Amel.
And then kick him in the groin area because he's a cheat and a ball hog.
(SIGHS)
And if he's still married to Clarissa, kick her in the groin area, too,
'cause she's a heart-breaking tart and a ball hog.
Hi, Kevin. Hi, Lynn.
Did you have bacon for breakfast?
No. Oh.
Because you smell like bacon.
I didn't think I did.
How's everything going?
Tight.
I'm going down the hall to this office to see Michael.
There's free espressos.
Oh.
I would invite you, but I remember that you just want to be friends.
We can still...
Are you sure that you didn't eat bacon?
Yes.
Hmm.
Whatever it is, I like it. Bye.
Yes, I had some bacon this morning.
I just didn't think it was anyone's business.
I love the smell of bacon on a woman.
(WHISPERING) Hey, Lynn, it's Kevin.
I was thinking about going and getting a coffee at the Cafe Disco.
Wondering if you want to go with? Nice.
Angela, my stomach is really hurting.
Just go down, Kevin.
My grandpa was the funnest guy I ever knew.
He would sing, he would dance, he would fall down.
But then, he started going to these meetings and everything changed.
He stopped going out at night.
He got a job. The fun just dried up. It was really sad.
I don't want that to happen to you guys.
I'm not going to let it happen.
How did I end up back in crazy town?
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, Ryan, Ryan, come on. Let's dance.
No, no. I can't. I can't.
I wouldn't say tempting,
but I just shouldn't put myself in that kind of environment anymore.
Do you mind?
Getting laid.
After the first two rounds, too close to call.
I was hoping to use that sexy hair-whip move later, too,
but she totally beat me to it.
That's what happens sometimes when you hold back, you know?
Plus she's a girl, so...
It is hard to imagine you playing softball.
I was All-County my junior and senior years.
Oh, yeah? Big deal! I once hit three home runs
against Little Flower Catholic.
(GRUNTING) The girls' school?
I played high school softball.
Notice I didn't say "girls' high school softball."
Not after the landmark case of Schrute v. the Lackawanna County Board of Education.
It was one case the Pennsylvania Supreme Court got right.
I hit the ball right over the protest banners.
How you doing, Stanley?
Same as I was yesterday, just now I'm outside.
This party sucks, Meredith.
Call me "Mom."
Up yours, Meredith.
In the car, now. All day.
Again?
Look, Jake, unbelievable.
You have to work hard to get to play hard.
And I think people work all year long,
just so they can have that one beautiful day outdoors,
hanging out with their family.
I usually bring a guy from the condo complex.
But this year, I would just rather catch up
with some of my old friends from the other branches.
Like Dan Gore.
And Holly will be here. We exchanged e-mails.
And that guy from Akron.
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
DWIGHT: Come on, guys. Let's stay focused.
Eye of the Tiger, okay? We can do this.
Remember bump, set, spike.
Keep your hands in triangle position.
Triangle position. Jim, come on. Your hands are not ready.
What happens if the ball comes to you right now?
Well, actually, my hands work completely on their own,
without my brain even knowing it. Sorry.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Class cutup. Fail!
Send it back! Send it back! Yeah, send that ball back.
(RAPPING)
Don't mess with Scranton.
No! Uh-huh.
Utica? More like U-sucks-tica. Who-sucks-tica? U-sucks-tica.
Who-sucks-tica?
U-sucks-tica. U-sucks-tica.
Who-sucks-tica? U-sucks-tica. U-sucks-tica.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
Sorry. Set.
Set.
(LAUGHING) Okay.
How many times do you think you can hit the ball on one side of the net?
Honestly? Like an infinite number of times?
'Cause it's three. It's three times.
Okay. Okay, Buffalo, your serve.
WOMAN: All right. All right, let's go.
Damn it! Who moved?
You threw me off. Who the hell moved?
Bunch of idiots. Calm down, Mark.
You calm down.
(SNICKERING)
What's with that guy?
All right, good playing all around though, right?
Fun day. We're just here to have a little fun.
CHARLES: Oh. Yeah, Jim. Just pretend you're at work.
You know, fun at work's fun here, right? Fun Jim!
(CHARLES LAUGHING)
Okay, I'm having a really hard time letting that go.
Just take it out in the game.
I really don't have the skills for that.
Okay, well, when the ball comes at you, take a step back.
It'll help you judge where it's going.
And don't set your hands too early or you might lock into the wrong grip.
You are awesome.
MAN: Let's go, Pam!
DWIGHT: Come on, Beesly.
Hope you're having a fun day.
I do want to point out a few employees
who have just done some outstanding work this year.
First off, Jenny Tan,
who's helped us with the website.
MAN: Yeah!
I always throw up before I perform,
but I don't feel nauseous now.
Oh, don't worry, if you do throw up, I know how to work it in.
No, I didn't know anything about Buffalo,
but I just assume this whole company is going under any day now.
So, I'm just grateful to have my job.
And the head accountant at Buffalo, real homophobe. So...
DWIGHT: Yeah, Malone. KELLY: Yeah, Kev.
Good, miss it. Miss it. ERIN: Oh, God.
(ALL EXCLAIMING) KELLY: Come on!
Come on! Get your beautiful head in the game.
Today, for the first time in months, Dwight nodded at me.
And I have to admit,
it made my heart sit up just a little straighter in its chair.
I know I seem hard and cold on the outside, but,
on the inside, I'm as warm as porcelain.
I'm sorry for gushing on like this.
(CHUCKLING) It just must be the apple juice talking, or I don't...
Our friends seem to be happy about something.
Mmm-hmm. Can you please stay in my shade?
Move up just a little bit more.
Mmm-hmm. That's good.
Why can't we just forfeit? I'm starving.
Hey!
Just because obesity is respected in the Latino community,
doesn't mean that you need to be a cliché.
Listen, we score one more point, we tie it.
We lose this next one, we are out.
I say Dunder, you say Mifflin. Dunder...
This is confusing. They're Dunder Mifflin, too.
Just serve the ball, idiot. God.
Ow!
We lose. Damn it!
MAN: Nice.
Did you see that? Come on!